The Second Part

Blinky

I used to work with this guy who blinked all the time. It wasn’t a normal blink either. It was sort of forced. I remember going to meetings with him and he would progressively get worse when things got more stressful. I had to concentrate on not laughing it was so bad. Sometimes I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than his blinking I was entranced.

I was thinking that I was the only one who noticed this as no one ever said anything. I was speaking to this girl in the office one time and I said, “Do you ever notice how Allan sometimes blinks weird”? Just like nothing she says, “Oh blinky”. I busted out laughing. They had named him.

Promotion

I worked with this guy who always hit on the boss. She was a middle aged divorced woman. He was in his mid 20’s tall and good looking. She used to eat it up. He loved to play her. All of us guys were always disgusted by the displays whenever they occurred.

After he would do this, the guy would always sit there and read the paper while we all were on the phone trying to clear up our files. Many of us would also work weekends. Mr Compliments never did.

The kicker that finally made me move to another job was when there was a new job opening for a manager. We all had about the same time in the position and applied for the job.

The interview was with this woman. Guess who got the job.

Sandals

I used to work at a place where they allowed people to wear shorts and sandals. There was this one ‘very large’ guy who worked in the cubicle next to mine that had to have had the smelliest feet I have ever smelled. He wore sandals and you could actually still smell him for almost a half an hour after he had left his cubicle. The smell eminated the whole office. We used to die there!

Complaints to management didn’t work. I don’t think this guy would have actually cared anyway.

The QA Guy

I worked with this guy in the Quality Assurance department of a large travel company.  He was a very personable friendly guy. The whole department loved him and he always had time to ‘hang out’ during work hours. Often times he would be at my desk for up to an hour. Afraid to lose my job, I would just have to turn my back on him and continue to do my job. He just kept talking.  Then, he would go to the next person in our department and start talking away.

I had seen a college degree framed in his cubicle. It was a degree in Computer Science. One day he blabbed and told me his salary. He was making almost twice as much money as I was.  I told him he deserved to make that kind of salary as he was a Senior Quality Assurance Analyst and I was just a new guy. Also, I did not have the degree in Computer Science. I only had a BS in business from a state University.

I asked him about his Computer Science degree and if it was hard earning it. He said,”Nah, it was easy. I just paid this college $5,000 and filled out a form. They gave me the degree due to my ‘life experience’.” Life experience? I was confused. What are you talking about, I said. He said, these schools these days value the life experience people get working from jobs, so they provide you with a diploma.  Basically the guy bought his degree. The degree looked all official. He said that when employers call the school, they just verify that he earned the degree from the school.

As time went by I found out that he was in Quality Assurance for only six months and was given the title and salary of Senior Analyst due to his degree! The company I worked for, major travel company, was completely duped!  He told me that his wife did this too. She had a GED. Never graduated High School. She was working as an office assistant. Then, got the ‘life experience’ degree and was now a marketing manager for a well known company. She went from making $10 dollars and hour to making as much as he did.  I actually went to college. Killing myself to study, pay student loans, etc. Unbelievable.

Crack

I used to work at a auto shop in Silver Spring, MD. The owner tells me first day of work, “we open promptly at 8:00″. I worked there 4 months and NOT ONCE did the guy show up before 10 o’clock. The guy was also paying me cash every friday. One week he said he’d pay me on monday because he was short the money. So for a while he started paying me on mondays for the previous week. Monday became tuesday and after a while I was getting paid on Fridays for the previous week. Then I took a week vacation and so I didn’t get paid for the previous week. When I got back he said he had paid me. Man, I wanted to break his jaw. He said he’d pay me ‘as charity’ but that he doesn’t pay vacation time. I couldn’t believe it. I just took the money and didn’t argue, figured I’d be out of there soon anyway.

One day I asked if I could use the shop after hours to work on my own car. So I show up around 8 pm and the shop is full of bikers doing crack!

I left the shop a week later. A week after that it was shut down. Nice hey? Drugs will kill you man.